As always at this time of year I find it hard to believe that a full 12 months have passed and the calendar is once again open at the month of January. Tempus fugit, for sure, and the older I get, the more the tempus seems to fugit.
January means summer down here in the southern hemisphere; hot days, warm nights, the sunshine is bright and the whole world seems to come alive. People seem generally happier too, not worrying about work or the ruinous state of the economy or the incompetence of what we laughingly refer to as our governments. But don’t get me started on that or we’ll be here all day.
The end of an old year and the beginning of a new one is traditionally a time for reflection and for setting goals for the future. New year’s resolutions, we call them, even though experience shows that none of them will survive past the second week of January. Or am I being unnecessarily cynical? The evidence, I believe, is on my side.
I never make new year’s resolutions, mainly because I’m no better than average at keeping them (which is to say that mine don’t survive past the second week of January either). I do, though, reflect on the past year and think about what I’d like to do in the new year to come. Usually, that gets me better results because I’m not focusing on old, bad habits that I think I should replace with new, better ones. Over the years I’ve shed the bad habits that I wanted to get rid of, not by making new year’s resolutions but by being honest about those habits (dismal as they were, I had to admit that yes, I really was behaving in those ways) and making a conscious decision not to do those things any more. That’s not something I do once a year, it’s ongoing, all the time.
As a personal and professional development coach and mentor, authenticity is the name of my game. I am what I am (Exodus 3:13 again) and that is what I show to the world. Most of the time. As I’ve said before, anyone who can be fully authentic 100% of the time is a candidate for sainthood, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive towards it. I know that if I want to help other people to live authentically, I must live authentically myself. To do anything else is to fail to practice what I preach, which is hypocrisy.
I preach honesty, integrity and authenticity. I preach the importance of knowing who you are and of fully embracing your true self, from which your life’s purpose emerges. I preach striving to attain your purpose, never admitting defeat, never giving up no matter what obstacles life throws in your path. I preach that “no” does not mean “never”, it means “not yet” or “not that way.”
I also preach the importance of knowing when it’s time to quit, and of quitting when it’s time. But how do those seemingly incompatible things stack up? Does quitting mean giving up?
Well no, it does not. It means acknowledging that you’re flogging a dead horse, banging your head against a brick wall and getting nowhere, or it means that you’ve been succeeding for so long that what you’re doing has become too easy. Whichever it is, you’re generally wasting your time and effort. Quitting means recognising that no matter how much more effort you put in, you’re not going to achieve any more than you have already. It means you’re going to have to have a rethink.
When I say “know when it’s time to quit, and quit when it’s time,” what I mean is, recognise when you’ve reached the limit of what you can achieve by doing the things you’re currently doing, and ask yourself, what’s new? What’s better? What’s next? Then, act decisively to make the change.
It can be hard to quit, particularly when you’re very invested in the status quo and when you’re actually succeeding. If you’ve been there doing that for a long time now, you’re probably on autopilot. You’re not challenging yourself. You’re not learning anything new, not growing in any way. That’s stagnation and it’s not good for you, for your mental health, or for your career. Quite likely you’re in someone else’s way, too, and by staying there you’re denying them an opportunity to step up and grow.
It can be hard to quit when you’ve put a great deal of time and effort into your current endeavours, even when you’re still not succeeding. “Just a bit more time,” you say to yourself. “Just a bit more effort. I’ll get there, I know it.” That’s very commendable, but where’s the evidence to support it? The chances are, the evidence is pointing the other way. Take your blinkers off, be scrupulously honest, and be prepared to take a leap of faith.
So, back to me practicing what I preach. Over the past five years or so I’ve been striving to put myself out there as a coach and mentor, and I’ve had a bit of limited success at doing that. I’ve helped a few people to achieve success in their personal and professional lives, and that’s been very rewarding for me. It’s given me the satisfaction and sense of fulfilment that comes from giving something back, following my heart and living authentically, in alignment with my values and purpose. Now I’m asking myself, is that it? Is that all I can do? Or is there something more, something bigger and more ambitious? Or perhaps there’s a different way of approaching what I do? Perhaps there’s something that’s going to challenge me in new ways and help me to learn new things?
A particular challenge I’m facing is knowing that I’m not getting any younger, and at my time of life most people are quitting work, focusing on themselves and on relaxing and enjoying themselves in quiet retirement. “You’re an old has-been,” the world says to me. “Stop making a fool of yourself! Stop pretending you’re still relevant or that you’ve got anything useful to say. Why don’t you just shut up and retire.”
The trouble with that is that I don’t want to do it! I have a precedent: my father retired at 60 after a career of 40-odd years, and then found himself with nothing to do but grumble about all the crap on TV. He died of boredom at age 69. I don’t think I want to follow in his footsteps.
The question I’m asking myself is, what do I do now that I’ve reached this stage of life and find that I’m not ready to accept the stereotype that society wants to force on me, and I’m not about to concede defeat and fade gracefully into the sunset?
In answering that question I must bear in mind one fundamental truth: my age, my status in life, and the way the world perceives me do not change who I am in my heart. I am who I am (did I say that already?) and I do what I do because I am who I am. No one and no thing can change that or take it away from me. Therefore, whatever I do next will be – must be - a further expression of who I am.
I am a man of strength, courage and integrity. I am joyful, loving, authentic and free.
How do I know that? I know it because I practice what I preach.
If you’d like to have that same certainty in your own life, get in touch. I’m not hard to find, and whoever you are, at whatever stage of life you find yourself, and however tough the challenges you face, I’m here to help. It’s what I do – because that’s who I am.
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